Life is bittersweet. Deal with the bitter the best you can, and live for the sweet.

all you need is a little bit of love. everything feels so much better with a bit of love. even if somebody brings you a hot chocolate and a donut when you're feeling down, its enough to keep you going. that's definetely what helped me through the roughest day so far. worst 3 days of my life: November 29 - Dec 2nd. depression, concussion, more depression.

it's when i cry myself to sleep at night i realize that all i wish we were can never happen.

It's Been A While

Well I guess it's been a while...
Things have gotten better,
Then worse again.

I'm hoping now that they get better again, but there's just a couple things that keep playing with my mind, nagging me. Life just isn't fair, and not everyone finds somebody to have a good time with in high school. Moving from a smaller city where there is only one high school, to another city, just a little bigger; is hard to do if you don't have incredible social skills.

The last little while, I've drowned myself with hockey and Taylor Swift in my own little week long pity party. It's a great feeling you should know, when you realize what you thought you were okay with; turns out to be the worst fact of your existence.

oops...

sorry for not posting for a while, ive been rather busy. i had a hockey camp at the end of august, moved at the beginning of september and have been busy with hockey and the politics of it all.

now i am even busier with the team i have to play for because of the politics, and all the drama and bullshit that comes with it.

oh well, that's life.

okay... here goes an attempt at reconnection

okay, so since everybody seems to have the wrong idea about what really went down at the movie under the stars, here it is:

so im there with my best friend from like grade 2 that moved away and all my other friends are there too, we are all on top of one of the dugouts.

so she knows a few from elementary school that i still hang around with.. in particular one guy who i kinda sorta liked. they both knew. didnt see any problem there.

so, the movie is almost done, and all of a sudden they are cuddled up under the same blanket. it *was* the 3 of us talking, but i was getting excluded from the conversation,

so of course, me being a stubborn bitch and all, i went and sat a few feet away by myself. after a few minutes i realized nobody was talking anymore and i looked over to see why it went so quiet.

my jaw almost dropped out of it's socket.

.... so i've heard different versions of this part, "they kissed and she started crying" and all that kind of stuff...

they were making out knowing full well i was 5 feet away.

so, i just got up, jumped down from the roof, and started walking home. its only 4 blocks.

about 1 block down the hill, a group of my friends that got bored with the movie were walking towards me.

they made me tell them what happened. they let me go home. they went back up.

i dont know what happened, but i heard one of my best buds slapped him (proud of you)

i was about halfway home and the traffic was starting to pile up when the "where are you" and "im so sorry" texts started to pile up.

the feeling of seeing 2 of your oldest friends that you trust doing the things you least expect and that they know would hurt you is unexplainable. its a horrible feeling. its betrayal.

think before you leap & live to love

you can stand under my umbrella

old songs have the most meaning to me. take the songs i danced to with my little brother when we were 3 and 1 years old. those are the songs with the most vivid and beautiful memories. sure, they are starting to fade, but new songs are showing me new memories as i hear more and more. some are now bittersweet, other just plain piss me off.

my days of immaturity are pretty much over, for i have had enough of it. those are the memories that piss me off. the ones where after, i think "why the hell would you do that?" or "what the hell were you thinking?" or "oh shit... that was really embarrassing."

some things i wish i had done, others i regret. we are supposed to live life without regret, but i have no idea how that is possible.

any help would be appreciated

oh, by the way, its friday the 13th, the luckiest day of the month :) i say this because my birthday falls on a 13th and i 13 is my lucky number, well one of them

-k.tree

PS sorry for not posting for a while, i havent been on the computer a whole lot

coastal smog

sorry for my absence, i was up the coast in Desolation Sound on my aunt and uncle's rather large boat and i never got on the computer until now since ive been home. since there are almost 400 wildfires burning in BC at the moment, the smoke haze has been blown into the sound. it is hard to see more than a kilometre.
the past few days have been filled with laziness, sitting on the bow or bridge of the boat, reading, eating, drinking. twice, we went "gunkholing", going out in the dingy and looking at all the other boats moored in our area. we went around the point from where we were, into Prideaux Haven yesterday afternoon where there was something like 150-200 boats, all moored, rafted and stern-tied. the rugged landscape and hidden spots of Desolation Sound appeals to many people, and they flock there for the summer vactions on their sailboats and yachts and kayaks. the past 2 days, it has rained, the only rain we have had since june! the rain has cleared the air and the haze is all but gone!

life.. again

if somebody asks me one more thing about him, imma break something! i just love how people see a boy and a girl together at the beach and just assume that they are dating or whatever. and i LOVE sooo much more just how when i like a guy, he always seems like he does like me back for once... but never does. people just dont get it. period.

lifes f*cks you over at every turn, and tries to many more times than that, so live it the best you can.

-k.tree

life..

is stupid. but, really, its not what you think! it can be dumb at times ( like people) but all in all... i think we need life. to live. ( as well as air and water.. AND CATS -c.lehtimaki)

yayy for my first blog post! :D

-k.tree

(+ c.lehtimaki, once in a while)